There’s a special kind of love that doesn’t always get talked about after a breakup: the love you give to yourself.
After a divorce or the end of a serious relationship, it’s easy to start looking for the next person to “fix” the loneliness, to make you feel wanted again, to prove that you’re lovable. But bringing the unhealed parts of yourself into a new relationship is like packing old, heavy luggage for a trip you haven’t even planned yet.
At some point, you have to decide:
**Before I commit to anyone else, I’m going to commit to myself.**
I like to call it: **marrying yourself.**
Why You Need Time With You
When a relationship ends, especially a long one, it doesn’t just leave a hole. It leaves patterns, habits, fears, and sometimes trauma. If you jump straight into something new, you carry all that forward.
You might:
– Expect your next partner to pay for the damage someone else caused
– See rejection where there is none
– Feel suspicious, insecure, or anxious even when things are fine
– Lose yourself in trying to keep the other person happy
That’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to the next person either.
**Taking time to be with yourself isn’t about being lonely. It’s about being whole.**
When you can:
– Spend time alone and actually enjoy it
– Take yourself out, rest, read, travel, or just sit in silence without feeling empty
– Feel loved even when nobody is actively validating you
…then when a new relationship comes, it’s a compliment to your life, not a crutch.
Depending On Someone To Love You Is A Trap
One of the most dangerous dynamics in a relationship is when one person needs the other to constantly keep them emotionally afloat.
I was recently in something like that. I won’t go into details or speak badly about this person, but I do want to share what I learned.
He needed my energy to be okay.
If I was having a bad day, he took it personally.
If I was quiet, he assumed I didn’t care.
If I needed space, he felt abandoned.
It wasn’t that I didn’t love or care. I did. But the relationship became less about **us** and more about constantly managing his emotions. He needed all of my time, all of my reassurance, and it was draining me.
On top of that, his insecurity created stories that weren’t true—accusations, assumptions, fears that I was doing things I wasn’t doing.
What I realized was this:
When someone hasn’t learned to love themselves, your love will never feel like enough.
That’s not an insult; it’s just reality. No matter how much you pour into them, if they have an empty tank inside, you’ll both end up exhausted.
Loving Yourself Is Not Selfish
Choosing to love yourself **before** you move on to another relationship is not selfish. It’s responsible.
It means:
– You don’t want to bleed on someone who didn’t cut you
– You’re choosing healing over distraction
– You respect your own growth and your next partner’s peace
– You aren’t depending on someone else to make you feel worthy
It’s actually one of the kindest things you can do—for you and for whoever comes next.
What “Marrying Yourself” Looks Like
“Marrying yourself” is more than bubble baths and solo dates (though those are nice). It’s a real commitment.
It looks like:
1. **Honest healing**
– Admitting what hurt you
– Owning your patterns, not just your ex’s flaws
– Maybe going to therapy, journaling, praying, or doing whatever helps you process
2. **Setting boundaries**
– Saying no when you’re drained
– Not allowing people to guilt you for needing space
– Refusing to shrink yourself or your dreams to make someone else feel secure
3. **Relearning who you are**
– Asking: “What do I like, outside of being someone’s partner?”
– Reconnecting with hobbies, passions, and friendships you might have put aside
– Designing a life that feels good to you, even if nobody else is there
4. **Enjoying your own company**
– Going out alone without feeling embarrassed
– Spending quiet nights in and actually feeling peaceful
– Discovering that your own presence is enough
5. **Raising your standards**
– Not accepting relationships that drain, control, or stunt your growth
– Recognizing red flags early instead of trying to “fix” them
– Asking: “Does this relationship make me better—or keep me stagnant?”
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Especially After A Long Relationship: Heal First
If you’ve just come out of a long relationship, your heart and mind need time to recalibrate.
You’ve spent years being “we.”
You need a moment to remember how to be “me.”
– Your routines were shared
– Your decisions were shared
– Your identity might have become wrapped around that person
Jumping immediately into a new “we” skips the most important chapter: **rebuilding
My Gallery
Words That Inspire
“Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world,” – Lucille Ball
Video Inspiration
Video Inspiration
Tiny Daily Habits (That Make Life 30% Less Chaotic)
Small Daily Practices
– Take 5 minutes to actually look around
Pretend you’re a tourist in your own life. Notice the light, the sounds, the weird plant in the corner you keep forgetting to water.
– Write down *one* thing you’re grateful for each night
Just one. It can be “my bed,” “coffee,” or “the fact that today is finally over.”
– Drink your coffee without your phone
Wild idea: just you, your drink, and your thoughts. (Don’t worry, the internet will still be there when you get back.)
Why It’s Not Just Fluffy Self-Help Stuff
Mindful routines are like a daily reset button.
They:
– Give your day a bit of structure (so it’s not just “wake, scroll, panic, sleep”).
– Train your brain to notice the good stuff you usually walk right past.
– Slowly turn life from a never-ending to-do list into a collection of actually meaningful little moments.
Tiny habits, big shift. One coffee break at a time. 
